All work and no play makes for handful of bad decisions, a drug problem, and taking candy from strangers.

Time-wise, at this exact second, this is feeling forced. Not in general, but literally in this moment. But it's important. This is becoming a sort of therapy for me, and though it may not be necessary, it certainly helps.

One of the most difficult things in life, I've discovered, is being able to admit that you're miserable. And I was very miserable. I'm still having my days. Consider this an open letter to myself, and to You, whomever You may be. There is no one single person that I can attribute each 'You' to, so if you feel that you belong there, You probably do.

You hurt me, after I helped sharpen the blade. The only thing to say about that is a fable about a snake that asks a woman to put it in her pocket. If You've never heard it before, then You'll have to find it Yourself. But the fact remains that You used the one thing I consider as the ultimate act of trust as a weapon for the ultimate act of betrayal. I say this, not to make You feel bad, but to consider, moving forward, that these are my terms. This is the one thing I'll ever ask You not to do. I've had a lot of help from You over the last months, as I was no longer Me. You, and You, and even You, taught me a lot about pulling myself out of my head, why it's important to sometimes just exist in a moment. There's so much freedom in that.

There are things that exist, and will continue to exist. Ignoring them will never make them go away, but it is OK to escape them, and to find a moment of infinite existence. You have helped me step outside my shell. You have taught me so many things. You have brought smiles to my face, while You brought heartbreaking sadness to my life.

I am lucky, and I am also sorry for this fact: There are so many people in my life that have reached their hands  out to me. And this is amazing. I thank You for doing this, and I feel I've never done enough to deserve it. I'm still a very private person, and prefer to keep the workings of my heart and mind to myself, but You were there when I couldn't hold back anymore and ad to let some of the steam roll off. It's important to do that. It's also, I'm learning, important to open up before the steam needs to be let out. It makes You a happier person.

I ask this of You now, and this is a You that all of You should find Yourself included: Tell me the truth. Not just when I ask for it, but not bluntly like a club, but tell me the truth. If there's bad news, proffer it up to my ears before I see it in your face. Because the magnitude of these things, when left to the imagination, grows like a virus.

You don't owe me anything. I want nothing for You but happiness. I want to give You nothing but happiness. And I hope we can all make each other happy for a long long time. I really do.

I end this with two quotes. I think they fit:

"She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time."


"So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them."